My Filter
Tips
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THE PUZZLE TIPS
MY FILTER
How to use the puzzle tips ?
MYSELF
EGO
PRESENT
CONNECT
FILTER
COMPASS
PROTECTION
POLLUTION
RULES
MASTER
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TIPS - My Filter
CALLING OUT MY COLD CASE
TEMPERING A COLD CASE
SOLVING A COLD CASE
When I have a Cold Case, my emotions are amplified, and my Filter is under the full control of my Ego.
The 1st step to change this dynamic is to put a tag on the Cold Case box. It helps to put a name on what is in it. Acknowledge and name what makes me uncomfortable is the beginning of solving it.
To be effective, the labelling of my Cold Case shall comply with 3 core principles:
1. Start with 'I', as it is about me. My Cold Case is not about what someone does to me, it is about how I feel - and that I am the only person who can make me feel. Therefore, my label should not say ‘when you do this, you make me feel…” but rather “when you do this, I feel…”.
2. Must be a grammatically positive sentence, as while "not to" is used in language to communicate, my brain does not process negation (ex. do not think of a cat results in exactly the opposite!). If it helps, I can start by naming my Cold Case in a negative way - something I don't have, I don't like, that is not happening, etc. - and then rephrase the sentence into a grammatically positive one .
3. Be precise. As an example, "when you laugh at me, I am mad" is not enough. I should explain why it makes me mad (ex. when you laugh while I am talking seriously, it makes me mad because I feel stupid and worthless!").
To lower the impact of my Cold Case, I shall look into the exact opposite idea, and associate real life people to it.
For instance, if my Cold Case is "I will never find another job", the opposite idea could be that "plenty of jobs will come to me"!
Notice that, in this example, it is not just that I will find plenty of jobs, it is also that I will not need to look for jobs: they will come to me!
As I capture the opposite idea from my Cold Case, I need to address all the parts included in my label (hence the importance of labelling my Cold Case well).
Once I have found the opposite logic to my Cold Case, I find at least 3 persons who live as per this opposite logic. People I know or heard of and that (ex) have been offered jobs without even looking.
This is to anchor that there are options: the opposite of what I strongly believe in also exists.
I have a Cold Case: it is clouding my judgement, disconnecting me from reality and amplifying my reactions.
To set myself free, follow these 6 steps:
1. Go to a quiet place, where I feel safe and comfortable. Ensure I also have time to rest and relax afterwards.
2. Mobilize my Ego to be in it with me. Partner and ask it to protect me as I solve my Cold Case, and fuel me with the courage to solve it. I am not very happy to do this, but it did bring up this Cold Case, so the least it can do is help me solve it!
3. Remind myself why I am doing this.
While I was not ready to solve my Cold Case at the time, I am now. I have changed. I have lived more. And I am ready because this emotional bomb pollutes my life, over and over. I have reached the point where continuing to live with it has become a bigger burden than addressing it.
4. Alone or with someone I trust, I start digging into my Cold Case. Unpeel the onion from the situation where I was triggered.
What happened? What made me react so strongly? And how do I feel when...? How is this true? Why does it matter? Ask myself the 'how/what/why...' questions - until there is no more to answer.
The answers can bring me far away from the situation I have lived - and that is OK. There is no right or wrong, there is only to follow the flow of answers that come to mind. I do not try to control my thoughts, I take what comes and I keep digging.
5. When I have reached the bottom of my Cold Case, tears can come - as it is a very powerful process to go through. These tears do not bring sadness - they bring relief. They mean I have reached the bottom of my Cold Case, and am ready to let it go as I change how I think about it.
6. The next day, if what used to trigger me no longer touches me, then I know I have won! My Cold Case is forever gone. Else, I need to dig again.
CONGRATULATIONS!
MYSELF
EGO
PRESENT
CONNECT
FILTER
COMPASS
PROTECTION
POLLUTION
RULES
MASTER
YOU ARE MASTERING THE PUZZLE PIECE MY EGO!
WELL DONE!
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