

My Filter
Tips
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MY FILTER
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MYSELF
EGO
PRESENT
CONNECT
FILTER
COMPASS
PROTECTION
POLLUTION
RULES
MASTER
Thee Puzzle is a modular framework: use the tips you need, when you need it
Choose Thee Puzzle piece you want to focus on
Apply one tip associated to that Puzzle piece for 7 days in-a-row, and witness visible progress.
Science shows that it takes in total 3 weeks to settle a habit. The first 7 days to get used to it and ensure it suits you. The 2nd week will be challenging as this is when we fight and question a change. By the end of the 3rd week, you will crave to practice and the tip will be with you forever!



TIPS - My Filter

CALLING OUT MY COLD CASE

TEMPERING A COLD CASE

SOLVING A COLD CASE
A Cold Case is when my past clouds my judgment of present situations.
I’ve experienced something, assigned it a specific category, given it a particular meaning, and decided it should trigger a specific reaction from me.
When I have a Cold Case, my emotions become amplified, and my Filter falls under the full control of my Ego. I see the world in a “frozen” way. Each time a similar situation arises, I interpret it the same way and react the same way.
As a result, I’m not fully aware of what’s truly happening. I slip into “automatic mode” and apply my pre-set model without thinking—repeating the same behavior over and over.
I’ve realized that while this response may have been the best I could manage when the situation first occurred, I can no longer continue reacting this way. Labeling the situation and my reaction once helped me, but it no longer serves me now.
To change this pattern, I need to identify and tag the Cold Case I want to break.
This means naming and understanding:
- What is the situation that triggers me?
- What automatic behavior does it prompt in me?
- Why do I want to change it? What makes it uncomfortable for me now, even though I’ve lived with it for so many years?
Acknowledging and naming what makes me uncomfortable is the beginning of solving it.
To be effective, the labeling of my Cold Case should follow three core principles:
1. Start with ‘I.’
This is about me. My Cold Case isn’t about what others do to me but how I feel—and only I can take responsibility for my feelings.
For example, my label should not be: “When you do this, you make me feel…”
Instead, it should be: “When you do this, I feel…”
2. Use Positive Language.
While negative phrasing (like “not to”) is common in communication, the brain struggles to process negations.
For instance, telling myself “Do not think of a cat” immediately conjures the image of a cat.
If helpful, I can begin with a negative label and then rephrase it into a grammatically positive one.
3. Be Precise.
A vague label like, “When you laugh at me, I feel mad,” isn’t enough.
I should explore and articulate why it makes me mad. For example: “When you laugh while I’m speaking seriously, it makes me feel stupid and worthless.”
Finally, be grateful. It might seem counterintuitive to feel gratitude for something I want to change, but this behavior served me for many years. It protected me when I needed it. Now, it’s signaling that it’s time to let go.
This old behavior has been a loyal companion, but it has outlived its purpose. So, before I say goodbye to my old friend, I’ll thank it for being part of my journey.
This tip is for when I’ve identified a Cold Case but am not ready to work on it yet—or when I am ready, but it’s still present and causing pain. In these moments, I want to reduce its intensity because the pain is too vivid.
To lessen the impact of my Cold Case, I will focus on the exact opposite idea and connect it to real-life examples. I aim to not just think about this opposite idea but to feel it deeply. Just as my Cold Case exists in both my head and heart, its opposite should, too.
For example, if my Cold Case is "I will never find another job," the opposite could be: "I will have plenty of job offers to choose from!" Then, I close my eyes and immerse myself in this thought. I feel how wonderful it is to be contacted for a job. I feel the excitement when the phone rings with a second offer, equally appealing. I imagine myself accepting one of the offers, feeling incredible about that moment. I let myself experience these emotions fully and intensely.
Next, I find three people who embody this opposite idea. They could be people I know, public figures, or stories I’ve come across in the news or online. In the example above, I’d look for individuals in similar situations who received multiple job offers. Seeing these examples makes the idea more tangible—it becomes real, not just a mental construct.
At this stage, my mind may resist.
If I don’t find examples online immediately, I might convince myself that this concept is unrealistic and doesn’t apply to me. This is my Ego trying to protect me by clinging to what feels familiar—even if that means holding onto my Cold Case. But I must persist. I’ll keep searching until I find proof, knowing there’s always evidence to support one idea or its opposite. I trust that I can and will find it.
The combination of feeling the opposite idea emotionally and seeing real-life examples will anchor the belief that alternatives exist. This process creates distance from my Cold Case, shrinking its power as I realize it’s not the absolute truth.
There are options. Other paths are available to me.
I have a Cold Case: it clouds my judgment, disconnects me from reality, and amplifies my reactions.
But I’ve decided—I no longer want to live like this.
It’s too painful, and I must take action. Don’t get me wrong: the thought of moving forward is scary. But the pain outweighs the fear.
So, this is it. I am going to resolve and let go of one of my Cold Cases.
To set myself free, I will follow these six steps:
1. Find a quiet, safe, and comfortable space.
I need a place where I feel good, secure, and undisturbed. This is something deeply personal, between me and myself.
It’s important to have time to rest and decompress afterward, too.
2. Enlist my Ego as my ally.
I’ll partner with my Ego—it’s here to care for me, so I’ll leverage its good intentions.
I’ll ask it to protect me as I navigate this Cold Case and to fuel me with the courage to see it through.
I know my Ego isn’t thrilled about this—and, honestly, neither am I—but we both know it’s the right thing to do.
This decision is made, and I need my Ego’s relentless willpower at my side. We’ll do this together.
3. Remind myself why this matters.
I wasn’t ready to face this Cold Case before, but I am now.
I’ve changed. I’ve lived more. And I’m ready because this emotional burden continues to pollute my life.
The weight of living with it has become heavier than the effort to address it.
I need to feel the pain, not just think about it—but I know I won’t drown in it because my Ego is here to help.
This pain is the reason I’m doing this. To stop it. Because it’s unbearable.
4. Start digging into the Cold Case.
I’ll peel back the layers of the situation that triggered me.
What happened? Why did I react so strongly? Why does it matter?
I’ll ask myself these questions—"how," "what," "why"—and keep going until there are no answers left.
I’ll write down each question and answer, knowing that only the final answer truly matters.
That last answer reveals why I’ve behaved this way for so long. It shows me the meaning I attached to this Cold Case and what I’ve been seeking through this behavior.
The answers might lead me far from the original situation, and that’s okay.
There’s no right or wrong here—only the flow of thoughts. I’ll accept what comes and keep digging.
5. Allow the emotions to flow.
When I’m in the process—or when I reach the core of my Cold Case—I might cry.
These tears aren’t sadness; they’re relief.
They mean I’ve reached the root of the issue and am ready to let it go by reframing how I think about it.
There’s no need to fear the tears; it’s natural to grieve when saying goodbye to an old friend I won’t see again.
6. Replace the Cold Case with a new behavior.
Nature abhors a vacuum. As I let go of my Cold Case, I need to replace it with something new.
Now that I understand why I behaved this way, I can choose how I want to meet that need moving forward.
I may not find the answer immediately, and that’s okay. I’ll brainstorm options and trust that the right one—or several—will resonate with me.
To begin, I’ll pick one new behavior to focus on and anchor it in my life. Over time, I can expand my options and create a range of responses to draw from.
Practice, practice, practice!
What was once a painful trigger will now become an opportunity to practice my new behavior.
Through repetition, I’ll reprogram my mind and heart. This process will unfold gradually but surely.
The journey has begun, and I know I’m on my way. Doubts may come and go, but my decision is firm.
The pieces are in place, and with time, action, and my Ego by my side, I will get there.



CONGRATULATIONS!










MYSELF
EGO
PRESENT
CONNECT
FILTER
COMPASS
PROTECTION
POLLUTION
RULES
MASTER
YOU ARE MASTERING THEE PUZZLE PIECE MY FILTER!
WELL DONE!
WHAT NEXT?!



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