Most of us are raised with the belief that others should always come first. 
The opposite is seen as selfish—and who wants to be selfish? We’re also taught that putting ourselves first means the world revolves around us, making us self-centered and disconnected from others. And again, who wants to be that person?

This tip is here to break that pattern. 
Constantly pleasing others and putting them first creates a complicated life, leaving us uneasy and out of balance. While this behavior might have been useful when we were learning to socialize, it no longer serves us. That ends now.

Putting myself first doesn’t mean I become selfish or solely focused on myself. It means I start listening to how I feel, using that as a guide for my decisions.

And the benefits of this mindset are undeniable:


1. I stop trying to read other people’s minds.

For too long, I’ve complicated my life by anticipating what others want, think, or expect. I’ve worked around assumptions, imagined countless scenarios, and spent energy trying to meet those expectations. Yet despite my efforts, I often get it wrong.

Putting myself first means acknowledging that I am only in my own head—not anyone else’s. When I feel the discomfort of trying to guess what someone else wants, I can break the pattern. Instead of speculating, I ask. I validate my assumption or ask directly. This allows me to stay grounded in my reality and focus on my own feelings and needs.


2. It’s liberating and empowering to put myself first.

By putting myself first, I stop overthinking and making decisions for others. That’s the liberating part. 
The empowering part comes from knowing that I am in control of my own thoughts and feelings.

I don’t need to assume or guess for myself—I know what I think, how I feel, and what I need. With this clarity, every decision I make is informed and authentic. I feel stronger and more aligned with who I am.
The paradox is that by putting myself first, I can actually gain empathy. When I stop thinking for others, I allow them the freedom to think for themselves. I can then truly listen to their responses because I’m no longer tied to preconceived ideas.

Putting myself first creates space for others to be themselves while allowing me to be fully me.


3. I can take better care of myself.

Just as parents nurture their children, I nurture myself. 
Taking care of myself doesn’t make me selfish or harmful to others. It simply means I prioritize my well-being before tending to others.

It’s like the airplane oxygen mask metaphor: if I take care of others before myself, I risk running out of air. Why should I put others first at the expense of my own worth? Why would I believe I deserve to come last?

Truth is, there’s no valid reason for me to always put myself last. This pattern was learned, but I’m an adult now. It’s time to grow up and take responsibility for my own well-being. I deserve care and respect—from myself first and foremost.


4. I become the person I want to be.

Putting myself first isn’t just about treating myself to occasional luxuries like a massage or a nice weekend. 
It’s about respecting my emotions, understanding what they’re telling me, and acting on them consciously.

It means loving myself enough to listen to how I think and feel, acknowledging my worth, and making choices that honor who I am. This process is incredibly fulfilling and makes me feel whole.


5. The courage to put myself first

This shift requires courage. I’ve spent decades putting others first, believing I had good reasons to do so. Changing this habit can feel like jumping into cold water—it’s shocking at first, and I might wonder why I’m even doing it.

The key is to live it. 
No matter how scary it feels, I need to move from thinking to doing. I need to see, feel, and experience what it’s like to put myself first—gradually, step by step.

So far, not a single person who has tried this approach has said they’d prefer to go back to putting others first. That alone shows how transformative this practice is, and how worth it.


Building the habit

It takes practice to create this new habit, and science shows it takes about three weeks to fully anchor a behavior. During this time, I’ll continue putting myself first, one small step at a time.

By consistently prioritizing myself, I’ll discover a life that is more balanced, fulfilling, and aligned with who I truly am.