Handle difficult conversations
Thoughts
Handle difficult conversations
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THOUGHTS ON
HANDLING A DIFFICULT CONVERSATION
Introducing the Puzzle Thoughts
We each handle mental pressure and emotions differently: these thoughts are examples, and not an absolute truth. They are not to tell you what or how you should think.
These examples are to inspire you. Look at how other people think, and spark your mind to release self-inflicted stress and handle uncertainty
The Puzzle is built like Russian Dolls - from the Tiny Puzzle to the Full Puzzle. The idea is to introduce more and more thoughts, and more and more Puzzle pieces as you progress.
You can either read the thoughts selecting one Puzzle piece and going through the different versions of it. Or you can choose to look at a Puzzle version in full. There is not rule but to approach it as it suits you best.
Each Puzzle is declined in 2 versions: thoughts before the Puzzle, and after.
The Puzzle is written in the 1st person to entail maximum impact.
Myself is multiple
I avoid conflict at all costs! I am not able to handle angry people.
My Ego
When people want to impose things on me, I hate it! I rebel and push back! It doesn’t matter what they want: I just don’t like being forced to do things!
My Compass
When I am too stressed, I panic and am not able to think rationally.
The Universal Rule that governs my life
I find that people are more and more aggressive! We are heading to a world where the strongest wins!
The TINY Puzzle
BEFORE the Puzzle
Myself is multiple
Though I am not the most comfortable at handling angry people, I find the courage to do it as avoiding them only makes things worse!
My Ego
When people want to impose things on me, I tend to get angry! To avoid so, I ask my Ego to help me be present, and together we listen before we react.
My Compass
Before I have a difficult conversation, I make time to relax. I create space for myself, and that allows me to handle the stress associated with this conversation.
The Universal Rule that governs my life
Kids are learning at school how to debate about our differences, with respect. And they do find good compromises: I find it encouraging for the future!
AFTER the Puzzle
The Universal Rule that governs my life
I see so many people arguing around me lately! People being aggressive with one another in the street, while driving, on TV… It is like everyone is angry these days!!
My Ego
It is difficult to focus when I have a difficult conversation! I am so stressed that I comment in my head everything that is happening, up to losing track with the conversation!
My Compass
Difficult conversations are very scary! I walk in stressed, and indeed nothing goes well!
Mastering my life
When I am forced into having a difficult conversation, I am so unprepared that I can’t help shout at the other person. This is the only way I know!
Myself is Multiple
During difficult conversations, I close up. I put my poker face on and I check out! Whatever you say!
The SMALL Puzzle
BEFORE the Puzzle
The Universal Rule that governs my life
I noticed that when people argue, there is usually one person that is more reasonable, and who tries to have a proper conversation! And it does help the others to come down.
My Ego
I partner with my Ego and ask it to give me the courage to have this conversation, and to help me remain focused through it.
My Compass
I have decided to believe that the other person has good intents. We may disagree, but no one likes conflicts: we will find a solution!
Mastering my life
I have decided to evolve as shouting at everyone does not help in finding solutions. I will test new behaviours and explore what works for me!
Myself is Multiple
I realized that the whole point of having a difficult conversation is to work it out. Although it is not easy for me, I make the effort to share what I think - so we can progress on the topic.
AFTER the Puzzle
The Universal Rule that governs my life
I notice that nice people get rolled over in life! I too have to be assertive, and go for what I believe without paying attention to others. If I am successful, people will follow me no matter my style.
My Ego
My Ego is torturing me! It keeps on telling myself I am not good enough to have difficult conversations! That other people are so much more at ease orally I can’t compete.
Living in the present
I try to read and anticipate the other person as much as I can, so I am always ahead of the game! That is how I win most of my difficult conversations!
Mastering my Life
I feel helpless: I am not able to push back or discuss topics that matter to me! Result is that I end up doing things I really don’t enjoy!
Myself is Multiple
During difficult conversations, I smile and pretend I am fine - while I am panicking inside!
My Compass
Difficult conversations never end well. We stay on positions, we shout, and we end up in a worse place than when we started!
The Protection in my head
I am not able to protect myself in front of an angry or manipulative person: all I want is the conflict to stop, so I say yes to anything to make it stop!
The Pollution in My Head
I am so bad at handling these conversations! Other people always get their way through, because I am not smart enough!
The ADVANCED Puzzle
BEFORE the Puzzle
The Universal Rule that governs my life
Nice people always find other people to help them. I don’t want, or need, to be a bully to be heard. All it takes is to be pointed and come - then people hear you, and the dialogue starts.
My Ego
I told my Ego to work with me rather than torture me! I may not be the best orally, but together we can handle a difficult conversation!
Living in the present
I noticed that when I manipulate or force a decision over the other person, then it backfires later on. Instead, when I carefully listen, I find openings which lead to good solutions for both.
Mastering my Life
I can’t continue live this life where I do what anyone wants me to do! I have decided I deserve better: I will step up for myself and express what I am willing, or not, to do!
Myself is Multiple
If I want to solve a conflict, I have to tell what I really think. Else we can never address what is really bothering me. It is not about pretending, it is about being truthful.
My Compass
It takes 2 to find solutions in a dialogue. I don’t know how the conversation will go, but I will walk in reasonable and with the clear intent to agree. And if not, then I will have no regret!
The Protection in my head
I have decided to draw the line, in my own way. I know what I am willing, or not, to accept. And I am ready to push back as needed!
The Pollution in my Head
There is no good reason to belittle myself! If we have a topic to discuss, then we are all equally capable of having this conversation!
AFTER the Puzzle
The Universal rule that governs my life
Everyone hates difficult conversations! It seems so much easier to pretend there is no problem!
My Filter
When I am too stressed, I tend to let my Ego lead the conversation. And this is not my best move, as often we end up shouting at one another!
Connecting to myself
When I am very stressed, I keep distant with my emotions - else they tend to overwhelm me!
Mastering my Life
My fears tend to control me when I have a difficult conversation. I am stressed by the topic, and very afraid how the other person will react!
Myself is Multiple
I hate difficult conversations! I’d rather say yes to anything and not do it - even if I get into trouble later!
My Compass
I don’t believe in dialogue. Rules and order dictate what should be done: there is no need to debate about it! Discussing is a way for weak people to avoid decide.
The Protection in my head
Difficult conversations really hurt: I take feedback seriously, and all this anger does hit me hard!
The Pollution in my head
I have convinced myself that the other person only wants to impose their views on me! They are not interested in what I have to say, everything is already decided!
My Ego
It is chaos in my head when people take me by surprise, and put me on the spot! In such a case, I can’t think straight, and all I want is to run away!
Living in the present
When I decide to have a difficult conversation, I am so afraid of the reaction of the other person that I pay no attention to him or her! I say what I have to say, and then I walk away!
The FULL Puzzle
BEFORE the Puzzle
CONGRATULATIONS!
MYSELF
EGO
PRESENT
CONNECT
FILTER
COMPASS
PROTECTION
POLLUTION
RULES
MASTER
YOU HAVE JUST COMPLETED INSPIRING YOURSELF WITH THOUGHTS AROUND HANDLING DIFFICULT CONVERSATIONS
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The Universal rule that governs my life
I have noticed that when I am in a dialogue, I may not agree but I will understand the other person’s perspective better. Just like in politics: parties do not agree, but they still talk to one another. Always much better to talk than fight!
My Filter
To ensure I have more options than reacting strongly, I do everything I can to release tension from my body. I listen to myself, as much as I listen to the other person - then I have a real choice what suits me best, rather than blindly follow my Ego.
Connecting to myself
I have noticed that when I phrase my emotions, I am a lot better at handling them during the conversation. They also help me notice whether the dialogue suits me.
Mastering my Life
It does take a lot of courage to have a difficult conversation. And afterwards, I am very proud of myself for doing it. No matter the outcome, if the topic really bothers me, then it is worth finding the courage to raise it. At best I have a solution, at worst It helps me move on.
Myself is Multiple
I hate difficult conversations, but from now on I will face them - else I get into too much trouble, and that is no longer a life I want!
My Compass
History has demonstrated that just following the law of the strongest is a bad idea! Diplomatie and dialogue is a much better path to live together.
The Protection in my head
I protect myself by being present. As I am lucid about the conversations, words don’t impact me as much.
The Pollution in my head
If other people do not listen to me, maybe it is because they are stressed too? I am not in their head so I can’t tell - but I can bring up I do want to be heard!
My Ego
The chaos in my head happens as my Ego is not sure it will be able to protect me from what is or will be said. But I have faith it can! I have the best protection I need, so may the panic go!!
Living in the present
By paying attention to how the other person reacts, I am able to calibre the conversation better - so we understand one another more