I saw this job advertising and it felt like this job was meant for me!! It listed all what I could do and liked doing. I was therefore very happy when they called me back!! The first interview was with an external recruiter: she shared that they wanted to make a decision within 1 month, so the whole process would be quick! I know I can be quick at projecting myself in a new role/new company - and that is a good thing to be optimistic!
Still, I also decided that, this time, I would manage differently. While remaining committed and hopeful as it is my nature, I would also write down the questions I would have about the job, and make a side note for myself what I liked and liked less about the people I would meet, the job and the company. To be more factual in my approach, and ensure most of it would suit me - as I did not want to end up looking for another role any time soon! And to create some distance too this was not the end of the world if it did not work.
The recruiter told me he was happy with our conversation and would recommend me for the next round of interviews. I should be recontacted by a future-potential-peer next week.

Next week - nothing.

By mid of the other week, as still nothing had arrived, I sent an email reconfirming my motivation and making myself available for any additional question.

No answer.

I started feeling nervous, wondering what was going on? I decided to make the conscious effort to live in the present, and not pollute myself with too many questions, or too many possible scenarios. Right now I was OK, and there was nothing more I could do to speed them up. What I could do was to enjoy today and the upcoming days, and focus on what was going on in my life.
My objective was to find a job, not to wait for a job - so I continued applying on-line and networking. I also made the room to do a bit more sports, so I could evacuate the tension I could sense build up in my body with all this waiting.

3rd week same - nothing.

At that point I was very disappointed: I thought they would not continue the process with me. And was losing confidence in myself, as I was such a match for the role: if even in this case I would not be interviewed, then how would I be able to find another job....?! But then, as questions and answers would start piling up in my head, I asked myself whether I was sure? Whether I was 100% sure what was going on? Plus was I sure my worth was only towards that role? Was I 100% sure this role and their answer was worth my self-confidence?
And I asked myself these questions over and over, each time my doubts came back.

4th week a manager contacted me apologizing for being busy, and asked me whether I would be open to meet, to continue the interview process for the role?! Of course I was!! I was full of hope again, the more so as we met shortly. He told me he liked our discussion and my profile, and he would recommend me for an interview with the head of the team - my potential boss. This time it did not take long: a few days after I had the invite, and the last interview was within 10 days.
There again it went well, and the boss told me he would decide the following week. I was of course happy, yet sticking to my process of writing down the plus and minus. I could not deny that something was not right. I decided to pursue the process and remained committed to the role, but had a question mark around the people I would be working with.

The following week - nothing. The next one, still nothing.

So I sent again a little email, sharing reference contacts if they still had open questions. No answer. At that point, obviously my doubts came back! Still, I noticed I was getting better at it: they polluted me less and less, as I kept practicing my "are you sure” questions!

3rd week - still nothing.

We were getting close to 2.5 months from the start of the interview process (which was all in all supposed to take 1 month maximum!).

I started to get angry. Who were these people to treat me like this!!?! It felt good to be protected by my Ego – to be angry at not being treated well. And then I realized it was not about how they treated me. They were not doing anything to me, but kept me waiting - and a few weeks is arguably OK. Plus when you are busy with your own job, time does not have the same speed nor value.

I was doing this to myself: they had done nothing to me!! This was such a big eye opener!! If I felt that strong about this silence, maybe I had a Cold Case to address?! So I started digging: how does silence make me feel? uncomfortable.
How does 'uncomfortable' translate physically? Ball in my throat and node in my stomach.
OK - take a deep breath and focus on these 2 physical pain points up to 2 minutes max, until they vanish.
Back to questioning: why does silence make me uncomfortable? It means I don't exist.
How is it when I don't exist? unbearable.
Is it true that I don't exist when people don't talk to me ? Is it 100% sure or could there be some other explanation? There could be other reasons.
How do I feel when I exist? Alive. Meaningful.
And how does that feel when I am alive and meaningful? It feels good.
What role do these people play in making me meaningful and alive? None. Can I give to myself being meaningful and alive? yes.

2 weeks later, I finally got an email for an invite with the recruiting manager - 7 days from then. Not ideal as I still had to wait, but at least I had a deadline so better! Plus I thought, if they meet with me it is a good sign - else they would send an email. I was hanging on to that thought!

2 days before the call, the very first recruiter sent me a chat message informing me I was not selected for the role. All this for 3 lines in a chat?! I obviously was very disappointed. Lost for lost, I asked her whether the call with the manager was still on? She asked me to wait. It took her 15 minutes to come back to me, the longest 15 minutes of my life!!! She said she had it wrong. Sorry, she had so many roles to manage, this answer was for another one I had applied to.
At that point I was still mad, but I also make mistakes so I also had empathy. Thought I might as well give it a chance and asked whether the call was about making me an offer? To which the recruiter responded (I quote!) "it is very presumptuous of me to ask as I had not even talked to the hiring manager"....!!!!
I stopped her and told her I had gone through the entire process, and how stressful this whole process was. The recruiter remained silent for a bit and wrote me a long paragraph explaining how stretched they all were, and how much she would love to have more time to do her job better. She was genuinely sorry, and made the manager set up this closure meeting with candidates to show we do matter (rather than just send an answer by email). I thanked her for doing so and we left it there.

2 days after the hiring manager told me she had picked another candidate.

I felt relieved this emotional roller coaster had ended! It also felt that I had learnt a lot about myself. I now know that, moving forward, I will handle waiting times a lot better!