Being well during a job search - People's stories
#3. Something is wrong with me!
The Puzzle material and certified services are solely sold on the Puzzle website, and cannot be purchased from any other source.
The Puzzle is a proprietary methodology, protected by Copyrights.
This Copy is personal and cannot be shared or sold.
The Puzzle exists in 3 formats: audio, PDF and online.
You own the audio and pdf files relating to the theme you have purchased
The Puzzle online is available upon subscription, with clickable access to the full Puzzle.
Look up on the right hand corner of the pdf document: the icons inform you which format is available for that particular piece of information.
The Puzzle is not suitable to overcome physical or psychological abuses, nor mental diseases. I urge you to liaise with professionals for support should you be in such a case.
Explore the Puzzle framework
Witness how others have used the Puzzle and inspire yourself
1. Pick one Puzzle piece
2. Apply the tip(s)
3. Follow up on results
4. Acknowledge positive impact
Introduction - People's stories
All People's stories are written in the 1st person to reinforce their impact.
While anonymity is preserved, all stories are inspired by real facts.
People's stories are examples, to feed you with concrete cases of how the Puzzle has been used. They are not to tell you what to think, or absolute truth: they were created with the intent to illustrate how you can transform your life with the Puzzle.
Each People’s story is presented in the following way:
Part 1. The authentic life experience
Part 2. What that same moment could have been, leveraging the Puzzle
Part 3. Decoding the story through the lens of the Puzzle framework
Part 1 - There must be something wrong with me, else I would have found another job already!
I keep wondering what I did wrong to end up in my living room! When I look back at my career, certainly it was not all perfect - but overall I did well. I did my best! And yet it has not been enough to keep my job.
I keep wondering what I should have done differently. Maybe I did not build relationships that were strong enough? Maybe I did not work hard enough?
I remember having to push and pull to get the results agreed with our management: maybe I was too hard? Maybe I should have just accepted what the team could do, regardless of the objective? Or on the contrary, I should have pushed harder to do more?
…maybe I have reached my glass ceiling?! Or maybe I am no longer competent, with all the new technologies popping up like mushrooms?! Maybe I start to be outdated, and being out of a job does not help keeping up to date!
Other people I know, who are less committed or less good at their jobs, still have a job! Others less competent were fired too, but since they have new jobs.
I can’t help wondering why me?!! I really don’t deserve going through all this!
Plus now I am scared I did something wrong, and it could happen again: I could be out of a job again. I won’t ever feel safe with this idea in mind!
I try to leave all these doubts behind, but it is not easy. Recruiters also ask why I am no longer in a job. I have a set answer, but I sense they do not believe me.
Everyone thinks there is a problem with me - and I must admit I do too!! Why do I get so few positive answers to all my applications? And why am I not able to conclude positively an interview process?! Most of the time I get a rejection by email. Or I get to pass 1 or 2 rounds of interviews, at best. People in front of me seem happy with the course of the interview - and then I receive a no-thank-you note. I do not understand what is wrong with me!
I also notice my friends and relatives now start to be seriously worried about my job search. They try to hide it, but I see it. They also do not understand why I did not find a new one yet, and start to think as well there must be a problem with me! One even spit “oh my God!” when I shared that I did not have a job yet!
Everyone is losing faith that I can find a job. I have serious doubts too.
I think I am stuck in this living room for a long time….!!
You have gained perspective how others have overcome their challenge leveraging the Puzzle!
May it inspire you.
WHAT NEXT ?!
More insights on the Puzzle?
Deep Dive into each Puzzle piece for more information
Seeking for inspiration?
Apply the Puzzle tips yourself, or leverage the Practice Book for guided steps
More insights on the Puzzle?
Part 2 - I will find another job and everything is right with me!
I keep wondering what I did wrong to end up in my living room! When I look back at my career, certainly it is not all perfect - but overall I did well. I did my best…. and that idea comforts me. Knowing that, at all times, I tried and had good intentions, keeping both the people’s and company’s best interests in mind.
Also, although I had rough conversations with a few people, there is no one I could not look up in the eyes. We disagreed on what had to be done, and that is OK. Certainly, now that I am older, there are a few things I would change – but at the time I did what I could with what I had.
The challenges, the successes: they both made me. And they are still part of me, job or no job! I lost a job – not what made me good at doing this job. That, no one can take away! My job was made redundant, not me. And that is a big difference: it is not about me, nor about what I have done.
Still, I can’t help think that if I was good enough, then they would have kept me on another job! But is this true? Is this 100% true?! Is every single good employee saved from restructuring plans?! Of course not! Then why think so of me?! Why torturing myself trying to find what I did wrong? I am my own worst enemy! That idea made me smile, and that smile helped release the tension. There is nothing wrong with me – or, as another way to say it: everything is right with me!
I also realized I was polluting myself wanting to know why other people less good or less committed than me kept their jobs! Does it really matter?! Is this answer going to change my life? Some questions have no definitive answers, and these questions are not always relevant either. This is about someone else’s life, not mine. And here, what matters is my life – so let’s focus! I decided to be present and live my life, rather than imagine what others are living. This is about me, no one else. I can’t change what happens to other people or even to myself – but how I live my life, I have power over!
I came back to thinking that I could be fired again. And I realized that this idea was very frightening! I did not want to leave in fear so I decided to dig. Maybe I had a Cold Case?! I kept digging, asking myself plenty of questions but did not end up anywhere meaningful…. In the end, it is true that I could be fired again! It is not just a mental construct. The opposite is true as well: I could remain employed! I came to the conclusion that it was a matter of how I wanted to picture my future. Would I rather be stressed at the idea I could be fired? Or would I rather assume that I would remain in the job?! I have no clue either way: both could happen. But until I would know for sure – either safely retiring, or being fired!; how do I want to live?! I decided to choose light: not knowing for not knowing, I might as well trust my future would be bright! Doubts came back here and there: then I would bring back how safe I would feel once retired, and I would dive into this emotion. And doubts would pass…. Until next time: but then I was equipped: I had my trick to make them go away!
My doubts of not being good enough also tend to come back when I have job interviews. There, to relax myself, I would take a few minutes before the meeting. I would enjoy this quiet moment and consciously breathe in and out. I would also ask myself what I need in the moment – and usually what came to mind was to give myself a big hug! I would do so, and then join the interview being a lot more present and at ease! Ready to give my best. I am here to understand what the person wants, and respond the best I can with my skills and competences. And when I don’t understand, instead of assuming, I would ask!
I also noticed that when my friends and relatives ask about my job search, they are seriously worried about me. They try to hide it, but I see it.....Or maybe I am interpreting what they mean? Because it is not exactly what they are saying.
So last time a good friend asked about my job, and told me that it was time I had an income; I asked my Ego to give me courage and confronted myself with reality. I asked what she meant? She looked at me surprised and she told me that she worried about me. And that she did not know how to help me. She just wanted to make sure I knew what I was doing, and I was not in denial. She made me laugh! She also had been projecting! And then she got me to think: maybe there was a few things I had not tried yet with my job search! So we brainstormed together.
This conversation got me to realize that, at no point in time, she meant something was wrong with me. On the contrary, she wanted good for me. She may not have phrased it the best way, but she meant well. And it felt good to be reassured of it! I was grateful to my Ego I asked.
Part 3 - The Puzzle decoder
Let's decode this People's story with the lens of the Puzzle pieces.
A quote from Edgard Poe states “be yourself, everybody else is taken”! Companies have and will hire me for who I am. I should not try to be what I think a recruiter or hiring manager wants me to be: ask questions rather than assume in the first place, then answer accordingly – in line with my values and my competences. I should not project my thoughts into the interview, rather be present and answer the best I can.
Also, to ensure that some events don’t repeat and avoid I get hurt, my Ego can be quite invasive. Typically here, worrying about losing a job again is not helpful. One worry at a time: right now, the focus is about getting a new job. When I am there, let’s see how it goes – but stressing about losing a job I do not even have, is only draining.
When I realize I am stressing myself for no good reason, my Ego is in charge and I am polluting myself. Coming back and being the present is the key. Acknowledging that there is nothing right here and right now that I can change about what has happened. See what I can do today: that is what matters, and that is what will influence my future! And partner with my Ego: ask it to give me the resilience and courage I need to find a job. That is the best protection I can wish for!
When I am fostering negative emotions such as thinking I should have done better, or believing I have a problem for having been fired - then these emotions reinforce my Ego and my fears. I am creating my own stress, as there is nothing currently happening that should trigger these negative emotions. It is all occurring in my head. There is no immediate danger, nothing wrong going on around me. My thoughts are generating these emotions - and accordingly, as I evolve my thinking, I can experience positive feelings.
It may take time for me to find a new job, but I can choose to enjoy these days - rather than stress myself out! Being laid off happens. There is no right or wrong, just a decision that has been made. I can’t change that decision: what matters is how I live with it. Connecting with my body and my emotions help capture how I am living a moment – to either acknowledge I am stressed and need a moment to come down and comfort myself; or this is a moment I enjoy and I want to consciously savor.
Negative scenarios are also plausible, but they do not help me meet my purpose: find my new job, and live well in the meantime! Focusing on what could be, how unfair what happens to me is, etc – none of it is helpful. I am polluting myself, and letting my Ego anticipate all what could go wrong. That prevents me from noticing all what is good too in my life.
I can protect myself from negative thoughts by taking actions - and there is a lot I can do! Network, look for - and answer to - job ads, reach out to people by email, contact head-hunters, offer my services as a contractor, build my own business, volunteer in an association, enjoy more of the family life…. - all these are valid options, that are in my power. Not everything is beyond my control. Choose to put my energy where it matters! If I cannot change or influence what I am thinking about, then it is not worth my attention! Focus on what matters, i.e. what I can act upon. Being able to do things will also make me feel better, and launch a positive butterfly effect!
Remember too that my compass is set on my dominant emotion. Look into what I deeply believe, and reprogram my brain as need be. I have the power to change the direction of my Compass if I do not like the main emotions I keep getting in my life.
I will find in my life what I believe in. If I am for instance convinced that others have a lot more than I do, I will keep being confronted with this reality everywhere, and not just for jobs – noticing for instance the better cars people drive, finding TV shows about super rich people, hearing about other people earning money easily on LinkedIn, etc.
I notice what I am convinced of, and don’t pay attention to the rest! By changing the direction my Compass points at, I will realize all what is also available around me, and that I did not see until then.
As I master my life, I can imagine what it will look like when I have my new job. Try to make it as real as possible: what my colleagues will be like, how long my commute will be, what components the job will have, what impact I will make, etc. Also imagine how I will feel once I am there. Store both the ideas and the emotions, and bring them back each time I am stressed. This is what I want: be clear about it with myself, and keep looking for it until I have it! Trust it is possible by living it already now as I feel it, and reprogram my brain so it believes in it too. Reality will follow!