

Being well during a job search - People's stories
#2. My job search is exhausting!
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Witness how others have used the Puzzle and inspire yourself
People's story


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FAQ
Introduction - People's stories
All People's stories are written in the 1st person to reinforce their impact.
While anonymity is preserved, all stories are inspired by real facts.
People's stories are examples, to feed you with concrete cases of how the Puzzle has been used. They are not to tell you what to think, or absolute truth: they were created with the intent to illustrate how you can transform your life with the Puzzle.
Each People’s story is presented in the following way:
Part 1. The authentic life experience
Part 2. What that same moment could have been, leveraging the Puzzle
Part 3. Decoding the story through the lens of the Puzzle framework
Part 1 - This is no time to relax and enjoy life: I must find my next job!
I was having dinner with friends, when one turned to me and shared that he envied me so much! He had just been back to back all day at work, and then rushing home to help with the family and prepare diner! He had had no time for himself, and he felt I was so lucky to be in between jobs! He craved to have this much free time, and was really curious to know what I was doing with my days?!
He really did mean well, but I must say an angel passed… I was not sure what to answer!! I really was not approaching my job search as enjoying a lot of free time!
All I could say was that I did not feel I was on holidays, and I was not relaxed at all. Quite the opposite of enjoying some free time! Luckily our plates arrived, and the conversation moved on.
From that point on, I could not enjoy the rest of the evening. I kept hearing this comment on and on in my head.
I alternated feeling guilty - as I did not answer nicely; and feeling sorry for myself! I kept hanging there, also reminding myself not to forget to apologize!
Still, I was angry too: what a careless and selfish question!! Assuming I was having fun, while this was one of the most stressful times of my life!! Who was he to think I could take lightly looking for a job?! And how little was he even thinking of me, to assume I was taking it easy?!
Last, I felt really tired. I was spending all days looking for job adds, making myself visible on Linkedin, asking people to meet, commuting to meet the ones that accepted to meet, going through the long list of refusals and pretending these negative answers were not affecting me, waking up in the middle of the night stressing out at the idea of having no income…. These were my days! They were exhausting.
I felt I should share what a job search really is!! They should know, instead of associating this time of my life with “free time”!
I was not allowing myself to rest, and the lack of sleep did not help…. Not to mention that all these efforts had not paid out. I was still unemployed. And the more time would go by, the more stressed I would be! Tears were slowly coming to my eyes… If only he had not asked this stupid question! I would be having a good evening!! Instead, not only was it ruined, but I was left deeply uncomfortable!
I left soon after the diner ended, and I apologized to the person for reacting strongly to his question. He said he had not even noticed, and he understood this could also be stressful. As I did not share any further, he did realize how destabilizing and overwhelming his question had been! It took me days to get over the stress he caused me!
CONGRATULATIONS










MYSELF
EGO
PRESENT
CONNECT
FILTER
COMPASS
PROTECTION
POLLUTION
RULES
MASTER
You have gained perspective how others have overcome their challenge leveraging the Puzzle!
May it inspire you.
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Part 2 - I am comfortable with my job search
I was having dinner with friends, when one turned to me and shared that he envied me so much! He had just been back to back all day at work, and then rushing home to help with the family and prepare diner! He had had no time for himself, and he felt I was so lucky to be in between jobs! He craved to have this much free time, and was really curious to know what I was doing with my days?!
He really did mean well, but I must say an angel passed… I was not sure what to answer!! I checked my body and my emotions - and told my Filter I was OK to share. Also asked my Ego to join and give me courage, as started answering.
I told him his question made me feel terrible. That he sounded as if I was enjoying life and taking advantage of the system, not trying to get a job. That he implied if I had been looking properly, I would have found a job already – hence I must have been fooling around and enjoying life! And I asked him whether this is what he meant? And he could tell I was getting angry!!
He looked at me with big round eyes!
This time an angel passed on his side!
Our plates arrived and I kept going! I opened up that being unemployed feels like being in a waiting room, where everybody else is picked up for their appointment, but not you. And you wait, you wait, and when you’re done waiting you wait again! And you know someone will come for you, because in the end you do find a job - but you don’t know when, where or what for!
He managed to stop me and told me he felt very stupid for asking such a naive question. He should have known better. He said he really assumed I was handling it well as I looked OK! None of the above he meant! He asked how I was coping?
As I shared the intense schedule I imposed on myself, he started to laugh!! “You are your worst boss!” he said with a smile! Everything is due yesterday, and you are never good enough!! Give yourself a break!!
He made me smile too, but I explained to him I really had to find a job urgently, otherwise I would run out of money, and… And you will end up homeless - he said? Yes!! What a drama queen you are!! You are too funny!! Seriously, plenty of things will happen and many people will help you – way before you are anywhere close to being in the street.
This time I was the intrigued one!
What was funny about all this?! Looking for a job is very serious and requires focus and dedication. This is hard work, and the financial risk is real if it doesn’t work out!
But then I asked myself: is this true?! Is this really true? Is a job search solely hard and inevitably ends with financial issues?
He had a point. I too had meant many new and interesting people with all my networking. I also learned new skills with online trainings, updated by resume. I could too end my days earlier and enjoy more my family. It wasn’t all dark after all.
Still, I had this bias in mind that job search must be hard work, else you have financial issues. What was the opposite idea? Job search can be fun, and the outcome of it will be to earn a greater income. What a pleasant idea to keep in mind!! Not knowing for not knowing what would come next, why not picture a bright future – rather than solely anticipate what could go wrong!?
After that evening, I decided I would grant myself some little breaks, and that I would prioritize my days. I would spend a few hours looking for a job every day, and then I would leave it to the next day. I would use the remaining hours to do work related to things I enjoyed: take a free training to expand my skills on a subject that interests me, read management books, build my own company, network.
I would make the most of the day, and I would hold to the positive idea that every minute was getting me closer to my next job. Creating space to relax helped me cope with uncertainty, as my body and feelings were able to counterbalance towards my Filter the stress carried by my Ego.
Part 3 - The Puzzle decoder
Let's decode this People's story with the lens of the Puzzle pieces.



MYSELF
EGO
PRESENT
It is not easy to share when a topic is dear to my heart. It usually comes with emotions and passion, yet paradoxically it is easier to take this path than to hold back. Deciding to refrain from saying something important, feeling belittled - these emotions and thoughts tend to ruin the moment. And stick with me for a bit!
Still, often when I am not sharing, it is to hide how hurtful! Or because I know I won’t be able to hold my emotions if I start talking.
In this example, I am spending an evening with friends. It is a safe environment to be myself. It is OK to share the pain when what I live is difficult – else when would I expect friends to be here for me?! I can allow myself to show how I truly feel if it suits me to do so.
It is also a good situation to experiment being present and connect with my body and emotions. See how others react when I am brutally honest! In most cases, I will be positively surprised! Typically, in this example none of what I had assumed - the friend meant.


CONNECT
FILTER
Finding occasions to laugh or smile are excellent to take a step back, and physically release tension. I could even watch little funny videos to create an occasion to laugh: it is a nice breathe during the day, and to recharge the batteries.
Also, when I do not sleep well, I am less equipped to resist to my Ego. And that is even more true waking up in the middle of the night, as it is difficult to think rationally then. Telling myself how I want to sleep helps condition my brain. Also, as I do not work, if I do not sleep well I can allow myself for a nap. It does matter to remain physically in shape, as my body is in this job search marathon with me. I also need to pay attention to it, so we keep up together.
Anything I find to relax my body will also help relax my mind (doing sports, reading, cooking and/or enjoying a good meal, doing arts, etc.). My body will then send information to my Filter, creating options to counterbalance my Ego.
Last, identifying limiting thoughts – or even Cold Cases; and finding their opposite idea helps take a step back. I will fall in love with the opposite idea – because it is very appealing. Remembering it often, and bringing up the feelings associated to it; will help recharge my batteries. Plus it is a lot more energizing to aim at a bright future, rather than fight to avoid a crappy one.



COMPASS
PROTECTION
POLLUTION
One comment can trigger a whole pollution in my head, up to running one evening in this real life example.
I could spend the whole time thinking and overthinking what has just happened. I can be stuck in my own head, while life continues around me. It creates a disconnect between myself and what is really going on around me, as I am living in my own head before you reconnect to reality. In addition, as I redo the movie in my head, I often feed myself with emotions such as fear, anger, guilt or sadness. This pollution makes it difficult to live the moment, as it triggers emotions of its own! I am too projecting my own assumptions into an event, and have a biased understanding of it.
To stop these mental loops, best is to ask questions - even more so when I am in a safe environment. Ask the person what he or she really meant when he or she said “….” and see whether what I think is matching the explanation. Very often I will be surprised by the answer! Here I initially assumed the other person meant I was lazy and abusing the system, not looking for a job and enjoying free time. While in reality he was only curious to know how I was managing my days, and imagining that he would enjoy this time if it was his life. There was no poor judgment of who I am with this naive question.
Asking questions allows me to stop being in my own head and to reconnect with the present. I can also bring with me all the concentration and strength that my Ego had built into this internal questioning, to reinforce my attention when asking the real questions! Last, being present is also a gentle way to protect myself from toxic loops of thoughts.



RULES
MASTER
I can choose that the world is not to be trusted. That people around me mostly do not want me well. That all they have in mind is their own interest and wellbeing, and they will be inconsiderate when it comes to mine.
Or I can choose that you do not know what people’s intentions are, because I am not in their heads. In such a case, I choose to ask questions to understand.
About mastering my life, I have power over my schedule during a job search. It is my choosing to pack my days or not, and what to do with this time I have. What matters is to ensure my calendar does suit me. That it is not a source of stress to follow the program I have established for myself: if it is, then change it. Being effective is the sole objective of setting up a schedule: if it has the opposite effect, such as making me feel I am always late on tasks, or exhausted because I never stop - then it is worth amending it. Schedules are a tool to help, not an additional burden.
It is also my choosing how I live this period of my life. And that relates to how I envisage the future. I will certainly have my moments of doubts, yet to live well I need to aim at a bright future. Convince myself it is possible. Because it is! All it takes is for me to believe in it, more than I believe in the issues that might come.