I just learned that I am about to lose my job. This is catastrophic!! Worst thing that could ever happen!!
As I realised I was panicking, I asked myself what I needed: a deep breath came to mind. And that I was not alone, which thought really both touched and comforted me.
As I felt better, I thought to myself: certainly it was comfortable to have this job, but I have not really enjoyed it lately! How many times did I complain, or even thought of finding a new job? I took the opportunity to dream about my next job for a few minutes. How would this look and feel like?! What would this job need to have to make me love it?! And how would my life look like - more or less travels, home and/or office working, with or without a team, etc. I took the opportunity to imagine what my dream life would be. No guarantee of course that this could happen, but it just felt good to imagine and feel it! I wrote down that story, using the present tense - to condition my brain to believe that there could be a good future, as an alternative to all the horrible scenarios popping up in my head!

Still, the fact that it is not my choice was the hardest part to take – also as I was not prepared.
I could see myself retiring from this company. Instead, I was about to face major financial issues!
I am the main family provider when it comes to income: I must have a job!! This is not an option to be unemployed: how will I pay the bills!??!!
I was putting a lot of pressure on myself, and realized I was short of breath! I did not want to feel “short of” anything, because right now and right here I was still employed! There was nothing I was missing… yet! And while this was one of the many options that could occur, it certainly was not happening now!! I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and visualized that I was breathing in and out money. That there was wealth all around me, circulating and enveloping me. That I too would have a share of it. Then my Ego kicked in reminding me that this was all good, but what I needed was real money in my wallet - not imagining money!! So I had a chat with myself, and we debated!! I explained to my Ego that I needed its protection against stress, and that it should shield me every time I would have good feelings - so I could enjoy it. That I needed to feed myself with positive ideas and positive moments: to best protect me, my Ego had to look for these moments for me, and ensure I could savour them!

I have looked at my bank account and we do have some savings, but I do not want to touch them. These are for extreme situations!! Plus if I eat all my savings now, what will happen later?? I will run out of money even more! I forced myself to pause. Is this true? well yes!! Is this really true that I will have no money and have to reduce my life to the bare minimum? This is certainly a valid option. Is this the only option? No. Then why focus only on this option? …it seems the most likely to happen! Is this true? OK maybe not! Then why focus only on this option? Because it is the one I absolutely want to avoid. And what is it that I want to avoid? I don’t want to lose my job and be short of money. How do I feel when I have this sentence in mind? Terrible! Dark! What is it that I want instead? I want to be paid a lot for doing what I love! And how does that idea feel? Liberating! And is the job I have now a job I love and that pays well? I don’t love it but it does pay the bills. Could I have both? Can I quote 3 people I know or have heard of in the media that are paid a lot to do what they love doing! Steven Barnett, Tony Robbins, Oprah! So it is possible if some have it? Yes… And how does it feel to know it is possible, and not just in my imagination?! I feel hopeful. Dear Ego please shield me, so I can stay with this feeling!!

I am even saving more in anticipation for when these tough days come. I will stop spending anything on myself, and the family will be impacted too as I won’t spend too much on holidays this year. And then I realized what I was doing to myself. Right here and right now, I did not need to touch my savings or spend less, as I still had a job. And I did not need to save more, because I still have a job! Why pollute my life right now, for something that had not happened and may not even happen?! One problem after the other: right now, I do not have any financial issues… “yet!” added the Ego in my head! True, I might. But my Ego made it so that the problem is right in my face, taking all the oxygen away from me. But this is not real: this is only happening in my head. Right here and right now, I have money on my bank account, and some savings on top. I have time, despite what my Ego says.

My manager tells me I have a bit of time, as there will be a notice period plus I might earn a small amount of money as I leave. Still, this is not enough. What I need is a secured and steady income, month after month! I need money now!!! I realized that despite all my previous efforts, I was still panicking. And I did not want to live like this! Finding my new job could take time: I would not be able to take this pressure too long, or I would break!!
This overwhelming stress was so vivid that I had to admit it: I must have had a Cold Case. So I started digging to get rid of it. How is it to be short of money? My life is miserable! Everything is complicated!! And how is it when my life is miserable and everything is complicated? Then no one helps you. I am on my own. And how is it when no one helps you and I am on my own? Very sad and transparent. How is it when I am transparent? I am not good enough, and therefore I do not deserve any help! And how does it feel to be someone that is not good enough and deserve no help? It hurts so much I would give anything to make it stop!
So if I summarise, when I am short of money, it implies I am alone and no one loves me (else they would have helped me), and it hurts so much it is unbearable? Yes! So it is not just about the money, it is about what meaning I would put behind having money? Yes! And is this life of worrying that no one would help nor love me, what I want?! No!! Was it even true that I was all alone? No! Then what is it I want? I want love and help for myself. And beyond others, could I start helping and loving myself? Yes. How does it feel to be able to help and love myself? It feels joyful. It also feel liberating. Is it in my power to love and help myself? Yes. What do I decide? I will start treating myself today, and every day from now on. And where would this lead me? To loving and helping me. To finding a new job, and the money that comes with it.

I have tried to read about all these theories about abundance. Like there is money everywhere. If you want to be rich anyone can and it will be new wealth created (you are not taking it from someone else). If you want a job, you will be offered positions - have faith! I had my doubts, but I decided to give it a try! Afterall, what did I have to lose?! Being less stressed?! So I decided to pay attention to signs of wealth around me, to pennies on the road, to nice cars, people well dressed, beautiful jewellery, etc. I decided to cultivate the mindset of a rich person!! And each time I would acknowledge a sign of wealth around me, I would be grateful and acknowledge that money was getting one step closer to me.
I was also noticing more each time I would spend money. Yet, there also, I decided to change perspective. This is the power of words: I am not “spending” money, I am not “losing” money, I am investing! In my good health at the supermarket, in the well being of my kids with little gifts, in treating myself at the hairdresser, etc. All these investments were to allow me to live a good life, and sustain a strong moral. I might spend less, but each time I would, it would be a good and wise investment. And each good investment implies a return: as I keep my eyes open, I will notice it is happening. It can be monetary or take other forms: what matters is that all these investments are paying!

When the stress and the doubts come back - and they do from time to time!; I come myself down by being present. I ask myself what I need in the moment, and I also emerge myself into the bright future I have imagined, and how nice it is to be there. I give myself a break.
Then, with my batteries recharged, I shall go back to my search and find my next dream job!