At first, I was not too open about sharing that I was in need of fertility treatments. But then, I decided that there was no shame in talking about it - in particular to good friends.

It ended up not being my best call, as I realized my friends started avoiding me over time. So I decided to take action. First, I reflected on whether I had intentionally done, or said, something mean to anyone. I could not recall anything. I was still afraid I missed something I did, but I felt good enough to pick up the phone and ask friends what was going on.

One friend shared he did not dare ask anymore where I was with my treatment, and he did not know what else to say or talk about. So he started avoiding me, not knowing better. I took a deep breath and wondered inside myself what I wanted to do. He was a good friend from childhood, and I did not want to lose him. So I told him: I opened up that I was missing our light conversations about anything and everything. That he could help me, just by being here. That he also was always good at distracting me, and that we did not have to talk about my treatments all the time! Having other topics to discuss would be a blessing for me: if only I could forget all this for a few hours!
We left this conversation feeling closer to one another, as we were able to understand one another better. He also shared he felt the same way about not losing me - which really touched me. I thanked my Ego for giving me the courage to speak up!

Another friend told me that she did not want to impose her kids on me, so to protect me she would rather not invite me to dinners than add to my pain. My first reaction was to be very mad at her! Who was she to choose for me?! I am big enough to decide whether I want or not to join a dinner party!
But then I paused, and realized I assumed she thought she knew better. So I asked her why she did not ask me in the first place, rather than impose her decision on me? I shared how belittled I felt for not having been even consulted! And she fell off her chair! She was caring and wanted to protect me so much, that it did not occur to her I could have a different opinion! She was still trying to still see me, but without her kids - and obviously she only had so much time alone! She was missing seeing me more, and if I was open to having kids around, she’d love to have me back at her table. We both ended up crying, apologizing and sharing how much we loved one another!

A third friend lashed out that she had enough hearing about what I was going through, that I had to grow up and move on! Then I could come back partying with her!
I really did not like the tone of this conversation. Maybe at times it is all about me, but here it was all about her! And about drinking and partying, which at this point of my life, I was doing less for obvious reasons. I felt I had to protect myself, that our lives were no longer aligned. I told her I understood and wished her the best - letting her exit my life. We had a good time together, but now was time for each of us to take different paths. And who knows: maybe we will meet again in a few years?!

As I was able to have open conversations with my friends, while ensuring this was right for me, I felt very happy and proud of myself! I had managed to overcome my fears and bound (or not!).

It also was an eye opener to discover that friends can be good to me at a given point of my life - but life evolves, and so does friendship. And I felt ready for it. Even curious and looking forward to meeting future new friends!