Every morning I get up, and the first idea that comes to my mind is whether I will ever be able to become a Mum. But before any other idea comes to mind, I take a few minutes to breathe - counting seconds as the air comes in and out. It helps me to relax, so I can start my day with a good vibe! Plus as I count and breathe, I can’t think of something else: it gives me air space!

Still, I was not prepared for the call from my doctor. She told me I had to be with her the next day, by 8 in the morning! I am working full time and I am busy: my agenda is full of meetings! I can’t just free myself like that!!

I was panicking in the open space.
Acknowledging it was good news because it meant the treatments were getting serious. But that was far from enough to come me down!

I went to the restrooms to have some privacy. I asked myself what I needed, and plenty of requests came back! Give myself a hug, have a little time off, be strong… So I started in order: I gave myself a hug and felt better. I told myself I was having a quiet moment right now, and there was no rush. I also made sure I was breathing more deeply, while comforting myself. I could feel my stress coming down to a manageable level. I decided to have a little chat with my Ego: it had not failed to protect me. This was not the end of the world: I would find a way to be at the hospital tomorrow. Nothing terribly wrong would result from it.
Plus how would I know how my boss or my colleagues would react? I am not in their heads. And why would this lead them to talk in my back, or even worse: change their professional opinion of me? Although I could not help stress, there was objectively no good reason why any of these scenarios would happen!

I soon felt good enough to leave the restrooms, and asked my boss for a quick talk in private, as I had come to the conclusion I had to tell him. It still felt like a huge thing to say, but I knew it was the right thing to do. I also wanted him to know that I remained committed to work as always, but that I was also a person with a personal life and constraints coming with it.
I still had so many conflicting feelings and thoughts, that as soon as we got into the meeting room, I started crying. Still, as I had taken this moment to comfort myself before, I was able to stop the tears quite quickly; and managed to explain to him the situation. I also shared my fear that this would play negatively on my career, as I was afraid he would think babies would be all my life, and work would become just a side hobby.

That made him laugh!! This was never a concern he had: he was very happy with my work until now, and me becoming a parent would not change that! He reminded me that he also had kids, and that it did not prevent him from working - as do most parents! So why would he think otherwise of me!? He was very comprehensive and supportive - and I knew he would be!
I felt so relieved to have told him, and to hear his reaction! I no longer had to hide this part of my life, and I was supported in my personal project by work too. It felt really good.

I decided to tell a few more people I trusted in the office, and asked them to remain discreet. I also told them I was afraid to cry if they would ask me about it out of the blue. They were all very comprehensive, and supported me in such an empathetic and elegant manner that it did help me a lot. I realized how much I polluted and stressed myself keeping all this for me. All these ideas I initially had in mind about how people would react: none of them ended up being true!