I have started my own company on my own. I love the adventure, the creativity, the rush of building something from scratch. But I also feel isolated. I am used to working with a team, bouncing ideas, brainstorming, feeling that shared energy. Now, I am left alone with my own thoughts — and that has been surprisingly uncomfortable.

There are areas where I feel confident, like project management and operations. I know how to run things, organize, deliver. But in other areas, I am learning as I go, and it often feels like walking in the dark. I try, I fail, I try again, I fail again… It is frustrating, because I keep thinking: if I were experienced here, I would be faster, smoother, better.

Lately, though, I have been noticing something important: I am not just struggling with the tasks — I am struggling with myself.
I put so much pressure on myself. I doubt every decision. I challenge my own competence, wondering if I would even hire myself. I tell myself I am not fast enough, not sharp enough, even while working at full capacity.

At some point, I had to pause. I had to take a step back, because all these loops of negative thoughts were becoming too much! And as I am alone, there was no one else to blame. If I could do this to myself, then I most likely could also gift me with the opposite.

So I stopped and asked myself: what am I doing right now, in this moment?
Instead of worrying about everything at once, I focused on the present. I realized that everything was come around me. I was in my office, seated comfortably: the storm was only in my head.
And my priorities? I am actually focused on the right things. I am moving in the right direction.

Taking a few seconds to breath, distant myself and be kind to me - it was a small step who took some of the weight off my shoulders.

But the real challenge remained: I was isolating myself. I was too shy to ask for help.
I kept thinking, who am I to ask for someone’s time? I convinced myself that everyone was too busy, that I would just be a burden, that if someone helped me, I would owe them — and I was already overloaded.

Eventually, I decided to confront myself.
Why would I bother people? Because I am not important. I don't matter.
And how does that make me feel to think this way? It does not help!
Is it true that I don't matter? Is there people I matter for? Yes
And would I say I mattered to everyone from the start, or we built that relationship over time? With many, we built it over time. In particular friends and colleagues.
And did I decide that I matter for others, or was it their own choice? I can't influence that, they decided!
So if it is their decision, and deciding to spend time with people grows over time - could the question then be different?! What if the question is: who am I to decide that you should not spend time with me? Who am I to remove the opportunity for you to get to know me? Do I know better what is right for you, or are you capable to make your own choices?!

That dialogue with myself opened a whole new horizon for me!! I did not have to decide for you. I did not have to own you, or take time for you. All I had to do was to offer to discuss with me, and take it from there. All I could do was to bring the best of myself to the conversation, and let you decide whether we could spend more time.

So I decided to test reality.
I reached out to someone I trusted and asked for a bit of advice. Just a short conversation. And to my surprise, they were happy to help — no strings attached, no heavy cost, just human support. That single moment reminded me that connection is possible, and I do not have to carry everything alone.
And let's be real and fair: some will say no. Some will reject me.
....and there again the discomfort came back: what if they reject me?! What if I am not good enough?!....Better not to ask was the first answer which came to mind!! Not worth the risk!!
But as I was in this process of finding solutions not to be isolated, I decided to continue my internal dialogue and face the irrational and devastating fear that came up in that moment.
What is the opposite of "what if they reject me?".... I had to think long and hard. "what if they accept me?"
That was it! It was worth taking the risk because some would accept me!!
I felt lighter.... but still not fully there.
Focusing on the ones that would reject me. I logically know you can't be loved or please everyone.... but somewhere I don't want to be confronted to it!
As I put more thoughts into it, I realized that I was still trying to control the others. Have them like me, or avoid talk to those who may not (but without knowing how they would react).
What freed me from stress was to realize that there is no such thing as a blank "rejection". All I would get would be a reaction from the person, to a proposal I would make. And if the answer is no, then I would learn from it - rather than put myself down. Could I phrase the request better? Why are they not interested?... I would turn this into an opportunity to learn - and so ultimately there is no risk. I either get a yes, or I learn something from you. Maybe I even learn that I too don't want to spend time with you, based on your reaction!

With each step, I am learning what it really means to take ownership of my life and work. Not control over every detail, but mastery over where I put my energy. What to hold tight to, and when to let go.

Most of all, I remind myself why I am here:
I love what I do.
I believe in what I am building.
And that others believe in me too. All I need to do is dare to engage.