I had one talent in my team, and he was doing great at the job! He did not have the diploma for it, but he did have plenty of other skills, and he was a fast learner. I was very happy to have him in the team, and would rely on him more and more. I would also often share feedback, so he would know too how much I valued him in the team.

One day, I was asked to take a completely different role. I had done it in a previous company, and so it was not new to me. The stake was big as I got promoted at the same time, and there was a lot of pressure to succeed in the new role. The team and I would be very exposed, and would have to interface with very senior stakeholders. And some were really not easy to handle!
For instance, they would call thinking they had a very relevant question to ask…. while I would not understand the question!! And I would have to pretend that it was an excellent question to ask, while rowing to find an answer! Plus they insisted on having a precise answer…

So I needed senior people for the team, to handle such personalities. And, also, I would have no time to train my direct reports: they had to be ready for the job. We could train people below them into the new roles, but I did not want to take the risk at a higher level.
In the meantime, the talent in my previous team had convinced himself that I would take him with me. And indeed I wanted to, but not as a direct report. I wanted to bring him in and continue to develop him. But while he was excellent in the previous role, he was not ready to both be promoted and in a job he had never done. I was not up for that - and so I needed to have the conversation with him.

I kept thinking about it, as I wanted him to be proud of what had been accomplished, and not just look at the empty glass. But I also knew he was ambitious, so I did not know how the conversation would go. And I was stressed, because for the first time ever, I would give him feedback that what he had, was not enough…

As we walked into the meeting room, I could tell he was very happy. He was so sure I would promote him! And as I explained the situation and the rationale, the smile vanished. And he tried everything to make me change my mind.
He shared he was so disappointed. That he had worked so hard to deserve that promotion.
He reminded me how happy I had been with him. How much of a quick learner he was, and that he would learn fast there again.
He told me that he really wanted to become a manager, that he never had a team. And if I was not to offer him this opportunity, then he would not stay in the current role. That the company would lose him.
He shared that it makes no sense to invest in a talent, if it is not to give him opportunities. That he was up for the challenge. That he would work really hard to make it.
It was not easy to take. I was being bombarded, and I chickened out: while I had not changed my mind, I told him I would reconsider, and let him know in a few days. I just wanted that conversation to stop!!

Two days later, he called me. He was on speaker, and while we were talking, I could hear someone in the background advising him to say this or that. That made me quite uncomfortable, and as I asked if someone else was there, he told me he was in the car with his wife, and really wanted to talk to me before the weekend. And so I had to tell him - well, them! - that he did not have the role. And the woman kept whispering to insist, to bring up this… Or, at times, he would go on mute and I suspected they were discussing what to say next. By wanting to preserve our relationship, I had put myself into trouble! The whole situation, and me not sticking to my decision in the first place,- both really annoyed me! I said nothing, but kept the conversation short. And told him my decision was definitive: he was welcome to join the team, but he would not become one of my direct reports. He was not ready yet for the role, and while he would learn quickly - he would still need my help and time, and neither of them I would have.

When I saw him back in the office, the distance was there. I did not think he had been fair putting his wife into the conversation; and he was mad at me for not promoting him. He would salute me, but the complicity we had was gone.

We never talked about it, and a few months later, he left the company. I tried to contact him afterwards, but he never really responded to me. I felt I had been used, and recognized for as long as I would give him what he wanted. But was no longer of interest, the day I stopped being useful for his career.