I don’t understand people.

For as long as I can remember, they have been my biggest challenge. I have read books, hired coaches, listened to mentors, and still… nothing worked. People remained unpredictable, emotional, slow. I kept adjusting, but every adjustment drained me. At the end of the day, I was left isolated and exhausted.
For a long time, I thought this was just who I was: faster, sharper, better at getting to the point. My ego loved that story, but it also locked me in. Every meeting felt like torture because I saw only one truth: that others were in my way.

But then one day I woke up thinking differently. What if I was the problem?! What if how I behave pushes people away?! What if I was the socially doomed one in the room?
There is no question I am fast - but I am fast at logical thinking. And emotional intelligence is a different skill.
When I started to observe myself with more honesty, I noticed I was not as skilled as I thought at hiding how I felt.
You could tell I was restraining my impatience.
You could tell I was holding back and trying to be politically correct.

And suddenly an idea hit me: how about being me rather than pretending and playing a role?
After all, if my previous model was not working, why not try a different approach? This thought both pleased and terrified me. What would people think of me? What fights and drama would I cause? They would hate me for sure...

I forced myself to be present.
I focused on my breath, and pushed away these scenarios that were not doing me well.
None of it was real - at least not yet. Plus I am not in people’s heads: I don’t know how one will react.
The real question was: was I willing to take the risk? Would I find the courage to change? Would I be able to cope with other people’s reactions? It felt like a big decision: if I don’t have a role to protect myself, they would impact me hard if they did not like me. Nothing to shield myself behind... But on the other hand, I was reaching the limits of my model. I was too exhausted and frustrated to continue.

So I decided to go to the office and let people know how I would feel in these annoying moments for me. Not to blame them, but to share how I was living it.
It did help lower my frustration, but it was still not it. For instance, I told them I would read the slides (to be faster than them explaining), but then each time I would ask a question they would still take forever to answer...

As I was determined to find solutions, I kept questioning myself.
What could I do to get people to be more factual and faster in their interactions with me? To be more efficient?

...But was this the right starting point?
What happens when people are factual and faster in their interactions?
They turn into robots.
What happens when people turn into robots?
They don’t think.
What happens when they no longer think?
They annoy me!!
...And suddenly I realized: I wanted people to think, but the type of interactions I was seeking was not allowing for it. Rather, what I thought was the best way to dialogue would prevent them from thinking!

But then how could I make these exchanges more enjoyable for me?!
Let them be - is the answer that immediately came to mind.
But why should I let them be, I wondered?
Because they will surprise me. Because with those who think alike, I’ll have fun acknowledging so. And with those who don’t, it will be interesting to understand their perspective.
And why would this be interesting, rather than annoying?!
Because everyone cares. We may not care about the same thing - and that makes us disagree - but we all care about something. Understanding it creates the missing link. Same as I am multiple people, my co-workers are too. I am not in their head, and the only way to find out is to ask and talk to them.

That realization gave me a choice. I could either keep filtering every interaction through my frustration, or I could create a different filter: one that looked for signals instead of threats. What did I want to feel throughout the day? What emotion would I want to bring home after a full day at work?

And for that, I would have to stop judging.
I had to stop polluting every moment I was spending in the office with anger and frustration. Instead, live the moment without trying to control it. Stop taking silence as a waste of time. Be really interested in the answer when asking a question, rather than formulating my orders into a question. It was time for me to want to have good days. To want to enjoy the interactions. To want to go to the office in the morning and spend a good day there.

I also had to confront my own fears: the belief that speed equals superiority, that emotions equal weakness. I had inherited that mindset, carried it into every room, and it was poisoning my relationships. Using my compass, I checked what felt true for me today. Did I really want to spend my career believing others were obstacles? Or did I want to find a way to protect my energy while still building bridges? The answer was obvious.

Protection, I realized, did not mean hiding my true self. It meant setting boundaries so I did not burn out pretending. I stopped forcing myself to fake endless small talk, and I did allow space for genuine moments of connection.
...and to my surprise, that made me feel less drained, not more.

And then came the deeper shift: I rewrote my own rules.
For years, my unspoken rule was that efficiency mattered more than people. But that rule was failing me. If I kept it, I would keep being isolated. So I decided to replace it: efficiency matters, but relationships matter too.

I still move quickly, I still value directness, but I am no longer trapped in only one version of myself. I know when to slow down, when to listen, when to share - for real, and no longer playing a role.

For the first time in a long time, I feel more at ease with people.
Not because they changed, but because I did.