I am spending a lot of time at work. This is most of my life, not to say all!! I miss having a social life, family and friends. I wake up sad every morning, as this is starting to be too much! Why could I not be happy too?? Suddenly, I heard a little voice in my head whispering: why not?! And that made me smile! For the first time in a long time, I smiled! And these few seconds felt good. Interestingly, I never thought I could have fun on my own! Acknowledging that I had the capacity to make myself happy was a good surprise!

These past years, I hardly found time to do other things than work, because of lots of good reasons - including being single, and not being equipped to say “no”.

Until today, when I saw this sign on a billboard while going to work: it referred to the power of saying “no”!
And it got me to think: is it powerful to say no?! Is it not rather aggressive? Or admitting defeat, that I can’t handle all what I am expected to do?... So many interpretations of the same answer were intriguing: I thought the world was a lot more black and white!
But then is it powerful to say yes?? I thought so, that is why I say “yes” to any work I am asked to do. But right now, it felt more like going with the flow, and avoiding creating any conflict.

I felt like I was accepting everything from work, at my own cost. I was adding so much work on myself saying “yes” to everything, and was on the edge of breaking. Still, I was not fully convinced I should say no…. But maybe it was worth digging, as I felt so touched by all these thoughts?! Maybe I had a Cold Case?

I had to make sure, so I started digging! Why is it better to say yes than no? It is not! Why is it then better to say yes? Because everyone likes me then. And how is it when everyone loves me at work? Too much!! Then everyone starts wanting me to work for them! And how would it feel if I could say “no”? Safe.
I would set boundaries. And how is it when I am safe? I feel good. I can relax.
Am I then ready to say “no”, to feel good and relaxed? No!!
Why not?! Because the consequences of saying “no” are too scary!
What happens if I say no? People will look at me like I am weird!
And how is it to be weird? No one would want to work with me, plus I would end up being fired!
Why would they fire me if I say “no”? Because I would then be a lazy person!! Nice people say yes, lazy people avoid work. And I want to be on the good side!!
Can I think of anyone who is only and always a good person? No. Then why would I, alone, have to always be a good person? Because then I would be perfect!
But if I cannot recall a single person that is solely a good person, and while some people are successful - then could it be that a perfect career is made of both good and bad? Maybe…
Could I give the name of 3 persons I know, whom I consider as good people, and that also fail at times?! Barack Obama, my Mum, and one of my good friends.
So is it possible then to be a good person, and have both good and bad sides in you? Yes.
And have people stopped talking to any of these 3 persons, because they failed at times? No.
And did anything terrible happen as they could not achieve their goals? No.
Keeping these thoughts in mind, do you feel more ready to say “no” at times? Yes!

Plus, if I am lucid, lately I am so tired that I am making more and more mistakes, do I not? Yes.
And what happened then? Not much.
So if not much happens when I make mistakes, then is it worth all this extra pressure I put on my shoulders to do everything to perfection? I guess not...
Could it be true that it is OK to make mistakes, and then correct them when they are spotted? Yes, it is OK.
Could I decide to do an excellent job (i.e. do my best), and stop seeking for perfection? Yes! That is a good compromise, and it fits with my standards to do qualitative work!

Still, I remain convinced I have to look and be strong to succeed in life!!
And how strong do I feel these days? Not quite!
How do I feel? Vulnerable. Exhausted. Drained. So could it be that putting all these efforts to look well, never speaking about my issues - could it be that this recipe I have always applied, no longer works for me? Yes.
Could it be that I should explore other options that would suit me better? Yes.
How about opening up to someone I trust? OK
How would I then feel? Lighter. Supported.

I chose to talk to my parents, and to a colleague I trusted at work. Both surprised me: they were so happy I talked to them! They told me they saw I was exhausting myself at work, but did not know how to bring up the topic. They worried I would burn out if I did not slow down. As a start, we agreed that we would meet 1h every week and just do nothing!! Just the idea of sitting down and chit chatting felt like a rainbow in my life!

I also decided to start small at work: as I was asked to double check a presentation before it would be sent, I told my colleague that I would not have the time to do it. My heart was beating really hard, as it was the first time I dared say “no” in the office. And guess what? Absolutely nothing happened! The colleague moved on and found someone else to help her. I was in shock, and then I felt really proud of myself!! I will definitely explore saying “no” a lot more, in my own way and at my own rhythm.

I no longer hope that life will get better: I know it will! I no longer want to feel like the hamster in the wheel. It is a terrible place to be in! How would it feel if I could regain power over my life? It feels like a dream. How would it feel if that dream was accessible? I would be thrilled. Does it feel like this is the right way to go? Yes! How about keeping this feeling, and bringing it up when I need comfort? That will certainly help me keep directionally correct! Today is the beginning of my transformation: I have decided I will change my relationship to work, and have partnered with my Ego to achieve so. Together, we can move mountains!